just randomly starting to cry. sitting in the sofa, boyie is playing video games, im watching south park. stuffed with easter feast food. i’m really full & i knew i would be. i was even welcoming it cause i am so much better.Β 

that’s not why i’m crying. i had to dye my hair darker today & it got darker than i thought. he really likes it, says it makes me look more mature (as if i care if i look mature but hey, he meant it as a compliment so i’m taking it), but i just feel so boring & blah… i wish i was like all of you beautiful brunettes that just stands out perfectly, but i need to be really blonde to feel like i’m at by best - i just look dull with darker hair…Β 

but, this is why i had to dye it - my hair is falling off. i think it’s cause of the stressful time a few months ago, since it takes about 3 months for the hair to start falling out after a traumatic or stressful time. this is making me so angry. that my hair is breaking, making me feel ugly & i just hate looking at it. & now i’m all emotional & just cause i feel bad about my hair i’m starting to feel bad in general. i don’t want to let it happen & i will fight it of course. but i just feel so fucking upset.